no clever footnotes today, sorry

I have a genuine rant in the works. I started it while I was still irritated, and then life happened, and now I'm too frayed to finish it. I will, though, if I can work up the steam again.

I am awfully tired right now. There are many reasons for this. One of the bigger ones is that I just got back from the most recent trombone audition. The unofficial count? 125 people. For a 40K job. No one that I talked to could really believe it. We had expected about half that many. Had a few conversations with a few people who are, like me, getting tired of the audition circuit. Many have been doing it longer; some have already burned out once only to come back later. Some have been more successful at it than I have (in other words, they actually advance) and still feel worn down. At any rate, it reminded me of something.

I have now talked to a large number of musicians who, for one reason or another, quit pursuing music for a while only to start up again later. Maybe they gave up and quit playing entirely, or almost quit, or injured themselves somehow... or got themselves committed, perhaps? Whatever wall they hit, the basic story seems to be the same.

For a while there was a running joke between some of us that the reason I hadn't won a job yet was because I hadn't gone through the necessary steps of putting the trombone down and then picking it back up. Like it's a rite of passage, I suppose. Not everyone does it, obviously, but I was surprised at how prevalent it is. And for the most part, I have more in common with those who have than with those who haven't.

Then, of course, there are those who don't go back.

No, I'm not planning to quit playing the trombone. That particular path simply isn't an option to me, and in any case that's not how this game will play out.

I'm trying not to think about the other options, though. No matter how close some of them might currently appear.

...did I mention how tired I am right now?