also, zarathustra is on notice

My family has been enduring my practice schedule for months now. Overall they've been gracious about it, considering that it takes up most of the day¹ and is not exactly quiet. They'll even occasionally attempt to compliment me, which while well-meant is usually good for a laugh.

"Oh, I enjoyed your trombone playing."

"...I was playing long tones, but thanks."

I'm pretty much the only musician in the family. There are a few people on my father's side of the family that remember playing in high school band, but by and large the concept of orchestral trombone mostly escapes them. Classical is definitely not their genre of choice.

So out of the numerous orchestral excerpts, concertos, cello suites, etudes and everything else that I work on daily, what is the one excerpt that everyone comments on specifically? The one they like so much?






Of course it's the Ride. How could it not be?

As many people know, the Ride and I have History. Those of you who don't know probably shouldn't ask. No, really. You might think you are interested, but I can assure you that you are not. Besides, to some extent every low brass player has History with the Ride.

It isn't my worst excerpt.² It is simply the excerpt that pops up again and again, mocking me and my career choice. It represents hours and hours of my life that I will never get back, and I still can't play the damned thing quite right. It is also the one excerpt out of all trombone literature that everyone in the world knows (or, at least, thinks they know).

Again and again, the scene plays out. "I really enjoyed that one song you were playing. You know, the one that goes..." followed by a feeble attempt to sing something that might bear a passing resemblance to Wagner if you use your imagination. And I smile and nod, and attempt to keep from cringing.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am not suggesting that anyone in my family should be able to sing it accurately. One of the many reasons that this excerpt plagues us all is because it is fucking hard to play well. All I'm saying is that if you take the above scene and play it over and over and over again throughout the years, and then add hours upon hours of Wagnerian self-flagellation dedicated practice, you might understand why trombonists sometimes feel as if no one plays the Ride correctly. Ever.³

Ever.

It has become my personal nemesis. We each have one, and it looks like the Ride is mine.

The solution? More practice, clearly.

1. It's pretty much all I do now, because what most people would call "unhealthy obsession" I call "getting things done." [↩]


2. No, you don't want to ask me about that either. See above. [↩]


3. If you enjoy living on the edge and want to make a low brass player twitch, just walk up to them while they are practicing the Ride and say, "Your rhythm's wrong." After that you should probably run away very quickly. [↩]